The That Look Incident
by WolfButler
Summary: "Juliet did what she was told without complaint. Butler had that look on his face. The last time she had seen that look, her brother had punched his way through the hull of a Somali pirate's stolen yacht, sinking the vessel in the Gulf of Aden"NO SPOILERS
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there :)**

**Long time no... erm... well it's a pretty long time since I published anything.**

**Thought I'd put this one up because it's kinda the only multi-chaptered fic I've written that's really worth putting on.**

**Inspired by a quote from The Atlantis Complex so if you missed it on the summary it's got very mild spoilers for that. In fact. There's no real spoilers for any it. So forget that. No spoilers. Except the 46 word quote that doesn't tell you anything anyway because if you haven't read TAC for all you know I made it up. **

**Just to clear things up, I didn't.**

**It's from page 67 of the hard-backed version of TAC written by Mr. Eoin Colfer like the rest of the Artemis Fowl books. Remember? Not me. That was a disclaimer by the way.**

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There was an uneasy silence in the rented car. Rented car with blacked out bullet proof windows Butler was _marginally_ happier to report.

The silence had been caused by a phone call, although the reason no-one was speaking was not out of politeness for the receiver of the call. Instead it was out of extreme annoyance at said receiver of call.

At least that was why Angeline Fowl was silently fuming at one side of the car whilst her husband tried to control his conscience at the other. Artemis Junior stayed quiet because his father's business was not his own and, quite honestly, he did not want to be here, somewhere on the East Coast of Africa. Neither for a holiday, nor, as it had now emerged, for a business deal, which was the real reason his father had agreed to his wife's holiday plans.

"I cannot believe you, Artemis." Angeline hissed. _Oh heck,_ thought Butler. Or words to that effect. Things were _really_ bad when she didn't use her husband's nickname.

"Honestly, darling." Artemis Senior placated, surprisingly meek for a European crime-lord. "It won't take more than a couple of hours and then we can have a lovely holiday together."

"It could be dangerous. I can't believe you would risk putting us all in danger. Especially the children." Angeline gestured at her son and towards Juliet.

One of 'the children' was staring out of the window, bored, the other was reading a magazine and trying not to look like they were ear-wigging. It doesn't take a genius to work out which was which.

"If it would make you feel any better dear, I'd take _both_ bodyguards but I'm not content with leaving you by yourself. The Major informs me that the security isn't tight enough to trust in this hotel..."

"When have either of them been content with hotel security?" Angeline pointed out. "And maybe they're right. Especially after your last meeting. The one with the Krum Corporation." She reminded heatedly.

Artemis Senior winced. _Perhaps that particular business deal had gone a little sour._ That was putting it politely. The security team he had hired had turned out to be on Krum's side and only the quick actions and aiming of both Butler's had gotten the three of them out alive.

"I admit that in the past there have been issues. But I can assure you. This deal is completely..."

"Legitimate?"

"Well, perhaps not entirely..."

"_Artemis_?" Angeline's voice was colder than a blast from the 4X4's air-conditioner.

"No. I'll admit the deal is not _entirely_ legit. But I promise you everything will be fine. And if all goes well we might be able to donate a sizeable sum to that animal sanctuary you are interested in. Maybe even buy it, if that's what you would like?"

Angeline knew her husband was attempting to wriggle his way out of trouble but she relented anyway. She had been asking for a family holiday for months and wanted this one to be perfect. So much for that, so far.

"Just be careful. I've had enough of all this shady activity. I do wish you'd just..."

"We will, I promise. One day. Just not right now. Gold is power, you know."

"Yes, dear." Angeline said, with only a hint of sarcasm. Peace returned to the car, for now at least, Juliet returned to her magazine.

They reached the luxury hotel at nightfall. The worst possible time to do so, but, unfortunately, three hour traffic jams could not be moved, even by huge, scary, bald, seven-foot-plus bodyguards. Even by two of them.

Needless to say, the Butler's were jumpy and even Juliet found herself standing between Artemis Junior and any other hotel resident. Although the thought was there, it was becoming increasingly annoying as it was exactly where his _actual_ bodyguard would ideally stand. Still, they made it to the three rooms they had booked without any assassination attempts or explosions. Which was a good start.

"Hey, Arty. Fancy a swim?" Juliet asked, bouncing into his room once she had argued with her brother for the bed by the door and eventually relented when he'd given her a lecture on security.

"No, Juliet. I do not." Artemis Junior sat on the end of his luxury double-bed and scowled. Although he meant it to look angry, the expression simply looked funny on the eight-year-old's face.

"Aww. Why not? I know your Mum made you bring your trunks." Juliet flopped onto the quilt beside him. Her brother would probably give her _another_ speech about professionalism between her and Artemis, but sometimes she honestly believed she was his only friend. And, although he was a little odd sometimes, you couldn't really be choosy with your friends when everyone thought you were weird just because you could bench-press twice as much as the boys in the gym at school.

Artemis sighed. Yes, his mother had forced him to bring his swimwear but that did not mean he was going to use them.

"Tomorrow, perhaps." He muttered, mostly to make Juliet leave him alone. Thankfully she did, through the adjoining door where she crashed into Butler who was unpacking some equipment and placing it strategically around the room. Artemis was left alone to wonder how he was going to survive the next week with both his mother and Juliet bothering him.

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**

**There we go. Chapter 1 done. **

**A shorty. I know. But so am I.**

**Anyway. Any good? **

**Next update should be soon if you're interested.**

**Wolfy**

**ooo  
O**


	2. Chapter 2

**OK. No boring long author's note this time. I'll get on with it already.**

**THANKS TO : -**

**CieloCrimisi for my first review (and being a Badass-Butler fan)**

**And to shauny for the amazing comment. It's only been 900 or so words yet so I hope this next chapter lives up to your praise!**

**Oh and thanks to fowlfan for favouriting.**

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"Just promise me you'll be careful." Angeline fussed, kissing her husband's cheek. In fact she was so flustered that she almost kissed The Major too. He looked quite alarmed and backed away quicker than he would have done from a grenade with the pin pulled.

"Keep an eye on her," he muttered to his nephew, who almost rolled his eyes. What did he think he was going to do? Walk round with his eyes closed and let them all get killed? "Call me if there's any... issues."

"Same to you."

The Major escorted his charge to their second rental car, checking it for bombs and tracking devices before he allowed him to enter.

They drove the short way to a high-rise building that glittered, as though encrusted with diamonds, in the mid-morning sun. The tail end of rush hour traffic could have been an avoidable frustration. But then again, the large, blacked-out vehicle afforded an air of menace about it and was considerably better for protection. Besides, walking was for commoners and locals after all.

Pulling into a specially prepared parking space, close to the main entrance, the bodyguard double-checked the skyscrapers for snipers and opened the door. A path cleared like magic in the thriving pavement before them. Or maybe it was just the scowls The Major was dishing out to anyone who dared to get close enough to accidently jostle his charge.

Heading inside, Artemis Senior spoke to the security man on the front desk.

"Good morning. I'm meeting one Mr. Jace today at ten o'clock. Could you inform me when he arrives?"

"Certainly, sir. Your name, please."

Mr. Fowl gave him the necessary information and the security guard flicked through a thick appointment book with a wary look at The Major, who was staring at him as though the man might jump up and pull a gun on them at any moment. Which, judging from their last experience, was entirely plausible. The front-desk employee quietly sighed in relief when he found the correct boardroom and quickly directed the strange company from his presence.

They walked the long identical corridors until they found the number they were looking for. The head of the Fowl Empire keyed in the code they had been given and they were inside, waiting, long before the men they were meeting had even arrived. Both of them preferred it this way. Artemis could prepare himself for the serious business of negotiating a deal and The Major could check for planted bombs and bugs or anything else he was concerned about. Which was - quite frankly - a lot.

In less than a quarter of an hour they were joined by a suited man with slicked back black hair, flanked by two chunks of clothed muscle.

_Two,_ The Major thought. _Easy._

He allowed himself to relax slightly. _Very _slightly.

Back at the hotel the younger Butler was doing the same. If one could call protecting three people who all wanted to go in separate directions _relaxing_.

Artemis had point blank refused to go swimming so Juliet, too, was banned from the pool on the grounds that her brother couldn't split himself in half to keep an eye on both of them. So, naturally, she was sulking. And, more surprisingly, so was Artemis. His excuse being that Angeline had found out about the children's little tiff and decided that they would _all _go swimming once his father and The Major returned.

Butler would have yawned had it not have been unprofessional. It would also have meant closing his eyes for a fraction of a second, in which it was entirely possible, with the people he was watching, that something drastic would happen. He wondered whether his uncle's job was currently any more interesting.

It was. Or rather more dangerous. After an hour of debating the deal was going nowhere.

"I'm afraid I'm not happy to take no for an answer." drawled the man, tracing a finger lazily around the recent coffee-ring his mug had left on the glass table.

"Apologies, Mr. Jace. However, your unhappiness is not my quandary, I'm _afraid_." Artemis sneered back.

Jace visibly stiffened. Irritated. The Major tensed too, hand resting just a _little_ less than casually on the handgun in his waistband.

"That's not good enough." Mr. Jace leaned forward on the table, rising slightly out of his plush office seat.

Mr. Fowl re-did the solid gold cufflink on his shirt with a certain air of aloof nonchalance. He laced his fingers together and rested backwards in his own chair. The perfect image of serene professionalism. The mirror image of his opponent. "That doesn't concern me."

It was concerning his bodyguard. His charge had a tendency to taunt his enemies that was likely to get him hurt. Glad he was already standing, The Major shifted slightly so as to have a better chance of blocking anything if the exchange became more than assaults of words.

"If we cannot reach an agreement, this meeting will not end well for you." Jace hissed.

Fowl raised a long, thin eyebrow. "Resorting to idle threats will not increase your chances of a sale, you understand, Mr. Jace."

"Oh I assure you _Mr._ Fowl, my threats are anything but idle." He clicked his fingers and the men either side of him stood up.

For a second, Fowl was slightly worried. Then The Major stepped forward. This was his area.

"We're leaving." He put it bluntly. "Do not attempt to stop us."

"And what, pray tell, do you suppose to do if I do?" smirked Jace as they started towards the exit. He clicked his fingers again and one of his henchmen blocked the door.

"Move out of the way."

"Make me." The lackey drew a gun and pointed it at the larger man's chest. His partner sniggered and stood back to watch the show.

The Major could have sighed. _Amateurs_. At least his nephew wasn't as dumb as these two.

In a movement so fast the inexperienced gunman didn't even have time to blink, never mind pull the trigger, the older Fowl bodyguard had brought an arm up, knocking the pistol and attached enemy arm to one side in a swift in a sweep and forced four rigid fingers from the other hand into the man's windpipe. In one sharp step he had disarmed and floored him. Then his buddy brought out another gun. Without thinking Artemis stepped closer to his bodyguard and visa-versa. Three and a half decades of working together had them acting as though on instinct.

"Don't force me to leave bodies, Jace." Artemis said from behind the safety of his manservant. With The Major's gun firmly aimed at his forehead and one of his tough nuts face down and gasping on the floor, Jace had little other choice.

"Fine. Out." He muttered. They did indeed 'out' very quickly.

"Ah... Let's not tell Angeline about this." Artemis breezed as they walked past the security guard. He looked like he was about to pass comment until The Major winked at him. The man was left wondering what was meant by the gesture and sat confused until the mysterious pair were long gone. "I have a feeling she wouldn't approve."

Checking no one was following for the umpteenth time before they stepped out into the street, The Major finally stowed his gun.

"Agreed." He muttered whole-heartedly.

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**Bit short again? **

**Yeah... call it...erm... building up the tension.**

**Next one's longer.**

**Honest.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Longer chapter - as promised.**

**Thanks to...**

**Readergirl99 for subscribing.**

**And thanks to Steinbock for favouriting and the review.**

**The rest of you - do something I get to know about and you'll get mentioned too.**

* * *

Butler was not unduly worried when he got the text telling him to be _on his guard_. After all, his uncle was constantly reminding him as though he was convinced Butler was an idiot with no training and the memory span of a goldfish. What _was_ worrying was the first bit of the message. _There's been an incident_. OK. That left a couple of options. His uncle and employer must be unharmed or else the message would have been blank or simply an address.

Knowing The Major, the 'incident' could be as mild as a failed pick-pocketing or as serious as an assassination attempt. Deciding not to panic anyone just yet Butler checked his holster was loose enough for a quick draw and returned to trying to watch both Fowls and his little sister all at once.

The Major didn't relax until they reached the hotel foyer and even then Artemis could tell his bodyguard was on high alert. He twitched at every movement and only let go of his gun butt when they met up with the others. Butler gave them both a cursory glance.

No blood - good.

Slightly pale faces - survivable.

Content not to know for now, he returned to his watching.

"There you are." Angeline rushed forward. "I was getting worried. You said you'd only be an hour."

"Yes, sorry, darling. I'm afraid things didn't quite work out." Artemis Senior smoothed over the fact he'd had a gun pointed at him already today and it wasn't even afternoon yet.

"Oh well at least that's it now, Timmy. We can enjoy our holiday. That _was _all, wasn't it?" the question was accompanied by a look that made even The Major almost flinch.

"Ah... Yes dear, of course. Did you have any plans for today?" Mr. Fowl changed the subject rapidly.

A fact that did not go unnoticed by Angeline and she 'hmmmed' unconvinced. "Well Arty, Juliet and I were thinking of using the swimming facilities. I hear there's a fantastic spa room too."

"Excellent, excellent." Her husband said, in a tone that suggested the exact opposite. "Well do enjoy yourself. Personally, I wouldn't mind finding some internet connection and..."

"Timmy. This is a _family_ holiday. Therefore, as the name suggests, we are going to do things as a _family_." Both Artemis's groaned mentally, but when Mrs. Fowl wanted something, she usually got it. Today was no exception. And so, in half an hour, the three Fowls and three Butlers were all assembled at the pool's entrance. The majority of the group did not look best pleased.

"Will you be bathing today, Major?" Angeline asked before she left with Juliet for the female changing rooms.

"Pardon?" The Major span round from his, it had to be said, increasingly obsessive window checking.

"Swimming, Major. Shall you be joining us?" Angeline repeated patiently, by now _very_ sure that there was something her husband and his bodyguard weren't telling her.

"No, m'am. I shall be observing today. I assure you Butler will be though." He answered quickly.

"Brilliant. It's not that I don't trust the lifeguards here, but I do feel more relaxed with the pair of you around."

The previously mentioned Butler scowled. They had definitely _not_ talked about this, but he could hardly refuse when his uncle had just offered him up like live bait. He could swear his superior was smirking.

"Feel free to go and get changed. I'll keep an ear out for the girls." He said mildly, heading for the indoor poolside.

"What? You don't fancy a muscle-off with the orange guy?" Butler muttered, trying to goad his uncle into a swap. If he was honest with himself, there wasn't much point. Once he'd made up his mind The Major rarely wavered. It was the annoying thing about being the junior in this arrangement; Butler had to take the orders whilst The Major got to make them. Although the younger often teased him about his age - the only real difference between the pair - the older man was incredibly fit and well for someone in their fifties. He even, although his nephew would never admit it, beat Butler at sparring occasionally in the Fowl's gym and was certainly handy to have around in a fire-fight.

"Don't be ridiculous. Someone has to watch from dry-land." The Major justified, checking the spray-tanned steroid-muncher for visible weaponry - just in case.

"Hmmph." Butler grunted, following both their principals into the changing room. Despite his annoyance at this present moment, if he ever thought long enough to consider it, Butler wouldn't change having his uncle around.

Before they had even reached the lockers, Mr. Fowl checked through the semi-frosted glass that his bodyguard had reached the poolside deckchairs and that his wife had _not_ and quickly made a decision.

"Apologies gentlemen, but I shall not be venturing into the water today." He offered as an explanation, taking the observer's door to the pool without a backwards glance. Butler raised an eyebrow. This would _not_ go down well with Mrs. Fowl.

A little over five minuets later, feeling suitably ridiculous in the trunks his mother had picked out for him, Artemis shuffled into the pool room after his bodyguard.

"This is preposterous, Butler." He complained, voice echoing slightly in the high ceilinged, fully tiled room. "Physical exercise is not my forte and I already envisage this activity to be completely futile and entirely un-enjoyable."

"Perhaps if you participate for a short while, your mother will allow you to sit out, young sir." Butler said, in hope for the both of them.

"I sincerely hope so." Artemis grumbled with a longing look towards the safety of the deckchairs on the other side of the pool.

"Come on, Arty. The water's great." Juliet yelled, splashing wildly. Butler rolled his eyes. Most likely his sister would love to try to dunk the pair of them.

"Yes Arty. Do be a sport... unlike your father." Angeline shot a glare at her husband who was reading a paper on a deckchair. Apparently they'd just missed the argument.

"Very well, Mother. If you insist." Artemis sighed, placing a pale foot on the first shallow step, then the second. The water lapped over his ankles and he shivered. This was the worst holiday ever. Well, perhaps not including the one to Alaska last year, which had ended in an incident with a breaking ice floe and a trio of skidoos that had nearly got them all killed. Artemis drew strength from that thought; perhaps this wasn't so bad after all. He took a deep breath, but, before he could pluck up the courage to descend to the third step, Juliet reached him and took him by the hand.

"Just jump." She laughed, pulling him in after her.

The result was a lot of splashing and spluttering but once he was quite sure Artemis wasn't going to drown, Butler sat on the edge, feet dangling in the water, hoping he could get away with just that for now. It didn't last long.

"Aww come on, Butler." Juliet whined, tugging at his leg.

"Indeed, Butler. If I have to endure this, it seems only fair you must too." Artemis shot him a rare vampire smile.

With his little sister hanging off his shin and a semi-order from his principal, Butler dropped into the waist high water. There wasn't much chance of a swim when the deepest end was barely chest height, so, in his eyes, this 'exercise' simply _wasn't_, which made the entire thing pointless. However, it also meant there wasn't much chance of a dunking either, much to Juliet's disappointment. Artemis stood in the water, shivering for a while before Juliet began to assume he couldn't swim and so tried to teach him.

"I am perfectly capable of swimming. Thank-you, Juliet." Artemis said, in a voice as cold as he felt.

"Well then _swim_." She laughed, splashing him. Eventually he deigned to slowly paddle a few lengths and, although he wouldn't admit it, he actually found himself quite enjoying the light physical exertion. It was almost worth all the lessons it had taken Butler to teach him to back in Fowl Manor's pool. _Almost_. That was, until Juliet decided she'd had enough of the relaxing dip and dunked him.

Once he managed to resurface, Artemis immediately yelled for her brother who lifted his sister bodily and threw her, much to her delight, into the deep end.

"Are you OK Artemis?" Butler asked, concerned. Once he had finished spluttering, his charge managed to speak.

"I will be... once I have extracted... my revenge." He panted, using his bodyguard as a means of staying afloat. "Or rather, after _you_ have extracted my revenge."

"Was that an order, sir?" Butler let a small grin play about his face.

"Certainly. Return the attack." Artemis ordered, as though at war. Which, in a way, he was.

And soon all three of them were in an all out splashing battle, much to The Major's disapproval. But Butler found that he didn't much care. Yes, the spray was obscuring some of his vision, but it was nice to see Artemis acting his age for once.

"For heaven's sake, boy." The Major rumbled. Butler spared him a glance at this belittling comment and shrugged it off.

"What?" He said, with a little more cheek than he would have dared to use had he been on dry-land. "It was an order."

"It was more of a _request_ than an order, actually." Artemis puffed from the water beside his bodyguard, where he had overheard the short exchange. "Although please continue assisting me before Juliet...argh!"

The lifeguard, the pumped up, spray tanned man from before, was quite concerned to see the children trying to drown each. At least other until Angeline returned from the steam room and assured him that at least one, if not both, of the family bodyguards would save them if they did get into genuine difficulty and then politely, albeit patronisingly, suggested he take the rest of the afternoon off.

After that, the lifeguard spent the remainder of the party's swimming session trying to square himself up to Butler, who point blank ignored him, as he did with most people who were neither threat, family, nor Fowl.

In fact, Butler attracted quite a bit of attention. Then again, he was seven foot tall with a bald head, muscles to put a bodybuilder to shame, an interesting looking diamond tattoo and, although only one other person in the room knew it, a semi-automatic handgun strapped to his leg under his trunks. Yet he was still splashing around with two children as though he was one himself.

Fortunately, for security and splashing purposes, his presence also meant they had they had the whole pool to themselves for most of the afternoon, apart from an old woman in a swim-hat who did lengths with remarkable speed for a person of her age and seemed impervious to the death-glare the older Butler was giving her from the deckchairs.

By late afternoon one of them was pampered, three of them were pruney and the remaining pair were thoroughly bored. Mrs. Fowl wasn't at all sympathetic.

"Well you should have swum then." she huffed at her husband.

Thankfully her bad mood didn't last long. After all, she had bought herself a new dress for the evening out they were having and why spoil a beautiful outfit with a sour face?

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**Told you it was longer. A little bit anyway.**

**But was it any better?**

**Go on. **

**You know you want to tell me :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to...**

**Readergirl99 for the review. I would have replied by a PM but it tells me I can't, so anyway I hope you like restaurants and explosions too. Dammit... I probably shouldn't have told you that just now...**

**And also to Victoriarty197 for adding this fic to your alerts.**

**WARNINGS:- Without giving it all away there's a bit of violence. Nothing graphic though. Promise.**

**And one naughty word.**

**Let the chaos begin.**

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At seven o'clock sharp they were signing in at the ridiculously expensive luxury restaurant.

Once seated in one of the private booths both the elder Butler's busied themselves scanning the active room. Seeing nothing too unusual or threatening, unless the large family with the 60th birthday balloons could be counted, they both seated themselves where they could easily jump up and tried to enjoy the starters.

Dinner past without much occurrence. (Except perhaps the eight-year-old Artemis sending the waitress scurrying away for another adult menu.) At one point a slightly suspicious looking man sidled over. Then Butler gave him a glare and he suddenly changed his mind. The older bodyguard gave him a once over too, the younger giving his senior a curt nod to convey that all was well with him, to which The Major's head twitched in what Butler knew to be an acknowledging nod. A lot of working as one of a pair, or group, of bodyguards was body-language. Mostly because it was not appropriate to be constantly muttering to each other and occasionally to allow the silent conveying of messages to go unnoticed by those who shouldn't know about it. Those people being the Fowls and their enemies.

"Can I offer you the coffee menu, sirs and m'ams?" a tall, blond waiter asked.

"Yes, I think that will be desirable." Mr. Fowl affirmed.

Butler frowned, concentrating. That definitely wasn't the same guy who had served them desert. Perhaps it was customary to have a separate waiter for serving coffee in this particular restaurant, or perhaps it was the happenings of the day, which The Major had informed him of, that were making him a little paranoid. Whichever way, Butler wasn't quite happy. His soldier's sense was either on the blink, or it was telling him to get out.

When the coffee came he politely took the cup offered to him but didn't touch it - to his uncle's mild censure, but he didn't care. Something wasn't right. A short while later the same blond waiter returned.

"Ah... more coffee anyone?" Mr. Fowl asked, the answer was five shaking heads – 3 sleepy, 2 more alert. And the man that definitely hadn't been their waiter before, weaved his way back to the kitchens.

"Good lord all the excitement we've had today has left me quite exhausted." Artemis Senior admitted, running a hand over his face in an effort to wake himself up a bit.

"I quite agree." Mrs. Fowl yawned petitely. Artemis Junior was doing his best to keep his eyes open but the normally stimulating coffee seemed to have had the opposite effect.

Butler managed to keep his suspicions buried until The Major stifled a yawn. He _never_ fell asleep on the job. Butler lifted his own cup, sniffing the cooling liquid before taking a small sip. It tasted different. Something that could be taken as an exotic flavour by the Fowls and something that could have either been forgotten by, or never taught to, his uncle. Butler however, was fairly sure that the almost non-existent taste was that of a relatively new drug nicknamed "The Big Z" by some of the top kidnappers in the world.

He began searching the restaurant for the blond waiter, eyes travelling over the many diners and easily picking out the white-suited staff. But the man he was looking for wasn't there. Probably waiting somewhere for the doping drugs to take affect. There was no way of getting out without paying the bill; that much was sure in a restaurant of this standard. Especially when your group, and the people in it, were about as obvious as an elephant in a supermarket refrigerator.

So there was no chance of just waltzing out without paying, and no way of paying the bill without the suspicious waiter bringing it to them. Considering his uncle's less-than-alert state, it would be up to him to get the family out safely. Decision made, Butler tried some getting-out tactics.

"Ready to leave, sir?" he asked Mr. Fowl.

"I suppose. There's no hurry though, eh?"

OK that convinced him. Mr. Fowl had just said _eh_.

"Perhaps The Major should escort you all to the car while I pay the bill." Butler said, formulating a plan. If he could get the principals out, he was fairly confident he could keep whoever had wanted them drugged busy enough for his uncle to get them away safely. He could walk back to the hotel if need be. Although 'if need be' would likely mean some bloodshed. Hopefully not on his own behalf.

"Do relax, man." Mr. Fowl grumbled, irritated. "It's not as though we're under threat every second of our lives."

Butler could strongly disagree with that last statement but he kept his mouth shut, trying to think of the least disruptive way to convince his employer that they needed to move. Now. The waiter returned.

"The bill, sirs and madams?"

"If you would, please."

Right. That left them with a minuet or two whilst the receipt machine printed out the ridiculously long list of items they had consumed and added its cost to the hefty VAT.

Butler tapped his foot on the table leg, trying to catch his uncle's attention. It worked on the third attempt. Casually, to the passing observer, Butler flicked the handle of his coffee cup and blinked simultaneously. The Major frowned whilst he tried to remember the code, but soon linked his own drowsiness with the signal for _sleeping drug_. Eyes widening he put in his own attempt at getting the Fowls out.

"Shall we wait outside? The traffic might be bad at this hour."

_Apparently great minds think alike, _thought Butler as his uncle started phase one of 'his' plan - the exact same one as Butler's, it would seem. The Major tilted his head to the exit slightly, trying to get his point across with a quick tap to the shoulder holster covered by a cough._ Although as Madam Ko puts it, fools seldom differ._

"It's half-past nine, Major." Artemis Fowl Senior checked his watch. "Hardly rush hour."

Perhaps had he been more alert he would have realised that _both_ bodyguards had now suggested they leave and perhaps they would have got out in time. As it was, the following happened.

"With respect, sir, I really think we should..." The Major tried again.

"For heavens sake stop _fussing_, man." Mr. Fowl snapped. "We're in a restaurant, not a war-zone."

And that was when the overhead lighting exploded spectacularly, with a deafening electrical bang, showering the table in a cascade of sparks. The bodyguards leapt up simultaneously, which was quite a feat for the drugged senior, and shielded the family with their bodies. Juliet dragged Artemis to the floor where they both cowered.

Luckily, the chandelier didn't fall but the next occurrence livened things up a bit. Smoke flooded into the room from the air-conditioning vents and added yet more chaos to the screaming swarm that the diners had become. Everyone stampeded towards the door, flooding into the street like ants from a drainpipe.

The fire alarm wailed noisily, sprinklers soaking them all, but it was what happened next that was the real issue. Something big and human-shaped flew towards them; Butler swung round automatically and knocked it to the ground with a quick elbow to the face, hoping the man had been an attacker and not just an innocent idiot running past. The next thing to happen confirmed he'd done the right thing. The Major was wrestling with someone who had attempted to get a garrotte wire round his neck but missed in the black-out. Mrs. Fowl was screaming, Mr. Fowl was shouting and Artemis and Juliet were huddled under the table. The latter gave a tug on her brother's trousers and hoped he'd understand that she had Artemis covered, which he did.

Butler was torn between covering his side of the table and helping his uncle, knowing that if he did aid him, the proud man would only rebuke him for it later. Sure enough, he needn't have worried, as just then, The Major got a purchase on his attacker's wrists and lurched backwards, crushing the man against the wall a few times until he stopped struggling.

"Get the adults out. I'll deal with the kids." Butler said as calmly as possible. The Major rubbed his neck and nodded, deciding to reprimand his nephew for giving the orders later. Although usually the phrase 'safety in numbers' was appropriate, splitting up this time meant a less obvious target to aim at in amongst the smoke and crowds rushing the door.

Hauling Artemis Senior to his feet and leading Mrs. Fowl by the arm as gently as possible under the present circumstances The Major cleared a gap as best he could through the panicking throng of people. Not that Butler could see that. No-one could see more than three foot in front of their face. Choking slightly on the thick smokescreen Butler stuck his head under the table.

"Let's go." He said, offering a hand. He quickly realised that bending down hadn't been the best of ideas when Juliet screamed and pointed, causing him to whack his head on the table and just manage to incapacitate the man who had been sneaking up on him in time to remain unharmed. For now at least. "Quickly." He added as though there had been no interruption.

It was hard to know where was the best place to stand to protect the young duo. The enemy could be anywhere - anyone. But the thick fog of black smoke helped as well as hindered since, theoretically, no-one could shoot for fear of hitting a friend.

They followed the wall, Butler keeping himself between the children and any possible threat. Suddenly, a chunk of plaster exploded mere centimetres in front of them, followed by three more. OK, so maybe they would shoot. Scooping the pair up like a snowplough with a couple of snowmen, Butler sprinted for the door and was more than annoyed to find it had been locked at some point in the pandemonium.

"Butler. The windows." Artemis's muffled shout was a good idea, except for the fact that the remaining trapped people were already pummelling at the glass. Someone was going to get crushed if they weren't careful. Butler was glad that he couldn't pick out the unmistakable shape of his uncle in the rest of the writhing shadows. At least half of the group had escaped so far.

A red laser dot cut through the smoke, dancing around for a second before landing squarely on Butler's chest. Artemis and Juliet were unceremoniously dropped out of harm's way as he instinctively turned sideways to make himself a smaller target. But, as expected, the bullet still hit him in the shoulder. Pain exploded from the impact site, but he ignored it. He'd had worse.

Dropping to the floor would have been the usual response to being under fire, however it would have been a bad idea at this point given the amount of people standing. But if everyone else did the same...

"Get down." Butler bellowed and surprisingly a few people obeyed, the others following out of fear. Next he heaved a massive wooden table onto its side to use as a shield, upper arm complaining at the tension it received as he did so. Dishes crashed to the floor and littered it with food like a coating of confetti. An extravagantly candled cake was demolished in the movement, wax dripping onto the expensive carpet but thankfully the sprinklers had already taken care of any chances of a blaze.

More bullets whizzed past, some putting hairline cracks in the glass front walls and ricocheting off, others burying themselves deep into the table's woodwork. It held. But it wouldn't for too long. Someone had to get that door open and quick.

In the absence of someone to do that small thing, Butler figured it would have to be him.

"Stay low and don't move." He said firmly to his sister.

"Why, what are you doing?"

"Opening the door."

"You'll be shot." Artemis pointed out.

"Kevlar." Butler let the one word explanation hang. "Now stay down."

Before they could argue he had jumped up, crossed the few paces to the locked exit in a crouched run and given the glass a good solid boot at a particularly spider-webbed point. Butler kept his head ducked low as bullets pounded into his back, stopped proficiently enough by the vest he was wearing that only the one that hit him in the arm did any damage. The same arm as the last bullet, which was a blessing as well as a curse.

Unfortunately, despite the considerable amount of effort he had put into the kick, the blast-proof glass still held. He fell to the floor in a motion he hoped would look like the result of a serious injury to the marksmen, crawling his way back past screaming people to relative safety. His arm was killing him. Well, not literally. Yet.

"OK, that didn't exactly work as planned." He admitted, breathing deeply to banish the throbbing pain from his thoughts, if not from his arm.

As all three of them were thinking of a way out of this predicament, a giant shadow appeared, silhouetted by the gathering police lights outside and fired a full magazine of shots into the metal hinges of the glass door. It groaned and, with a bit of persuasion from the silhouette's boots, finally toppled inwards and shattered, leaving a flurry of deadly snow on the floor. Obviously the restaurant owners hadn't shelled out _too_ much on security. Although the glass was blast and moderately bullet-proof it had not been certificated shatter-proof through severe impact.

The crowd barrelled for the exit and squeezed out at the cost of a few cuts and grazes from the shards. Butler was more careful. Artemis and Juliet had only sustained a few scratches so far and he intended to keep it that way.

"Crawl out and if you can, try to keep off the glass." He said as they made their escape. A few more shots were fired but The Major returned them and they soon stopped.

"Cowards." He muttered, helping his charge's son to his feet and leaving Juliet for Butler.

As they made their way to the police barrier that had been set up, Butler stayed as rear guard, gun trained on the rectangle of smoke pouring from the building but nothing corporal came out of it.

Their attackers had apparently used the back door.

"Excuse me sir, but do you have a licence for that weapon?" A police officer asked as soon as they were behind the blockade.

"Yes, yes. We both do." The Major snapped, spotting the remaining Fowls where he'd left them by an ambulance and striding over to them.

The officer shouldn't really have left it there, but he took one look at the people he'd be apprehending if he did pursue the case and decided to join the hunt for the _other _men with guns.

"Arty!" Angeline cried, grabbing her son and holding him close. "I was so worried!"

"I'm fine mother. A few superficial scratches, that's all... thanks to Butler."

"Juliet, are you ok too, darling?" Mrs. Fowl hugged her as well.

"Fine thanks. No harm done." Juliet grinned, thrilled by the excitement of it all. At least until she noticed her brother was bleeding. "Oh god, you got shot."

"Close, but I'm not _quite_ a divine being just yet." He teased.

"And the correct grammar is '_you've been_ shot'." Artemis told her. "But yes, he has."

"Are you OK?" Juliet's lip trembled slightly and she hugged her brother's waist.

"I'll live, Jules." He smiled, patting her on the head.

"Want me to look at it?" she asked.

"No it's alright." He said quickly, remembering a previous (and rather disastrous) time his little sister had attempted to tend to his wounds. "I'll do it."

Butler rotated his shoulder. No screamingly agonising pain hopefully meant no joint damage. That was a good start. Deciding that taking off his shoulder holster to be able to remove his shirt would be too much hassle, he draped his jacket over Juliet (who was wearing a short sleeved top and whose jumper had been left behind in the confusion) and ripped the sleeve off at the shoulder. It wasn't a great loss since the shirt had already been ruined; the sticky spread of blood had made sure of that. He peeled the material away from the skin and tried to get a good look at the two neat holes in his side and back of his bicep.

Luckily, the bullets probably hadn't hit the bone from what he could see and feel, but he certainly wouldn't be lifting any weights on that muscle for a while. Also, they hadn't exited into his chest, which was always a good thing. Except for the fact that they hadn't exited at all. Which meant, unless his uncle could manage it, he would require hospital attention to remove the offending lumps of metal, lest he never be able to pass through airport security without lengthy explanations and an x-ray.

Well. That wouldn't make much difference. He hardly ever got through the rigorous security checks without being stopped anyway.

"How bad?" The Major grunted, slightly guilty at not noticing the injuries sooner.

"I'll live." Butler repeated, shaking his head slightly. It was only a couple of bullets and they weren't anywhere near life-threatening.

"Good to hear. Still, Madame Fowl has already sent for a paramedic."

"Fabulous." Butler muttered. Now he would be subject to...

"Hello there, sir. I see you have some nasty looking bullet wounds there, would you mind following me to the ambulance. Can you walk ok? I can get a chair if need be."

Butler fought the urge to roll his eyes. It was his arm that was busted up, not his leg blown off. Annoyingly, most paramedics treated everyone under the same umbrella of 'civilian wimp' and did not take into account that their current patient may have been shot seventeen... make that nineteen... times in his murky past and two more bullets weren't going to make much of a difference.

Several paramedics directed him to the vehicle, hovering around him as though he was about to keel over at any moment. He was given a silver foil blanket, which was about as successful as wrapping a bear in tinfoil. Sorely tempted to screw the thing up and throw it at one of the hoverers heads he contented himself with craning his neck so he could still see the others.

Sitting down on the ambulance step, putting the suspension on the vehicle to the test, Butler grudgingly allowed the man to start patching him up, trying to keep an eye on Artemis and Juliet who were being treated for shock and grazes at the back of another ambulance. Butler could see his uncle, constantly checking for threats, and forced himself to calm down a bit. Perhaps that would be it for the night. Their foe had certainly failed to do whatever it was they had planned.

"This may sting a bit." warned the paramedic, dabbing the bullet wounds with disinfectant. It did sting. A bit. Butler's features didn't change, so the medic continued his cleaning. "You should probably come with me to the hospital and get these sorted out properly. The bullets are too far in for me to get just now..."

Butler wasn't listening. A shifty movement just outside the glow cast by the emergency vehicles had caught his attention. Had he really seen that? Or was he just being paranoid? Training had taught him that you could never be too cautious.

"...you might need an operation to remove..."

Butler raised a hand to silence the man. The foil slipped off his shoulders. He didn't notice. Something was about to happen. He could feel it.

"Are you ok?" the confused medic asked, concerned at his patient's strange actions.

"Wait a minuet." Butler scanned the crowds and then beyond them into the streets. Whatever had caused his suspicion was gone. So if he couldn't see anything, why did he still have that _feeling_.

He kept watching. If there was one thing life had taught him it was to trust his instincts.

A minuet passed, maybe two.

Then he saw it, a flash of metal under a streetlight that others would have taken as a reflection from something.

It was a reflection - a reflection off a shotgun barrel.

Lurching to his feet in a movement that flung the stunned paramedic to the floor Butler yelled a warning. His uncle shoved the Fowl couple behind the police vehicle they were standing near just in time, apparently saving them from a hail of bullets which, in retrospect, would have sailed harmlessly overhead. A waste of bullets really. And a risky move with so many police vehicles around. Some of the ex-diner's screamed shrilly and Butler wished they'd all shut up a minuet so he could figure this out. _Why would they do that?_

And that was when, in amongst the alien voices, one cry stood out.

"Butler!" screamed his sister.

It wasn't a pointless waste of ammunition. It was a distraction.

_A distraction._

* * *

**Long and mostly uninteresting Author's note (gah I hate how long this is) feel free to skip it :-**

**Firstly: - Oh yeah - forgot to tell you it was a bit of a long chappie. And I know I just left you on a bit of a cliffie. Sorry about that. **

**Secondly:- The quote is from a guy named Wilt Chamberlain and I read it out of a book with funny pictures of dogs acting out quotes which I unfortunately can't remember the title of.**

**Thirdly (and you really don't have to read this, it's not part of the story, just me moaning on really. Sorry.): - **

**Don't you hate it when authors constantly nag for reviews and bribe you with stuff you're never gonna get? Cause I dunno about everyone else but I've never even got a **_**cyber-**_**cookie of the people who offer them.**

**Anyway. On a more serious note, I promise no matter what (within reason) that I'll post this whole fic because there's nothing worse than wanting to know the ending when you're never going to get it. **

**However, this is the fourth chapter I've posted and so far I've had just the 4 reviews. **

**(4 lovely, brilliant reviews that made me grin like an idiot at my screen so much my family got suspicious and asked me what I was looking at, but still just the 4 which is only enough for one per chapter.)**

**I told myself I was never going to nag on for reviews so I'm not doing, right?**

**I'm not threatening not to post anymore and I'm definitely not saying "X more reviews until I'll put up the next chapter" because that's just annoying.**

**I know Artemis Fowl tends to be a quiet sort of zone on FanFic but if you're out there reading this, I'd love to hear from you. **

**It doesn't need to be an essay on my dodgy grammar, odd spelling, occasional OTTness with the apostrophes and/or crazy sentence structure, just a "I like it/What the hell is this crap?" will do. **

**You'll make my day, honest.**

**Thanks for reading anyway.**

**Wolfy**

**ooo  
O**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to...**

**fowlfan - especially you, for typing on your ipod even though it bugs you : )**

**Readergirl99 - I wish you allowed PMs so I could thank you personally, but here's your thanks. THANK-YOU : )**

**Kida Ookami - Good guess. I will continue, enjoy.**

**...for the reviews. They are **_**very**_** much appreciated.**

**Anyway, more action you may be pleased to know.**

* * *

_A distraction._

Butler bolted towards them, but, before he could get there, two tanned and tattooed men had grabbed Artemis and Juliet, dragging them away into the night.

"Butler!" Juliet yelled again, writhing like an adder in her captors grasp. Artemis was completely still in comparison and for a horrible moment Butler thought he was unconscious, but the young genius had simply realised that struggling was more likely to get him hurt and hung, as limp as a doll, in the muscle-man's arms.

More bullets. Warning shots.

"Look out!" someone shouted.

Butler didn't care. He sprinted towards the escaping kidnappers, vaulting the police-cordon just in time to see a car roar away into city. It weaved through the late evening traffic causing many a driver to blare their horn and many a pedestrian to scream with terror.

He followed, still sprinting and even managing to keep up for a while.

A small hatchback swung out from a side street and Butler had to jump the bonnet, sliding over it and straight into the path of an oncoming bus. The vehicle swerved and only clipped his side. A normal person would have a least been thrown to the floor, but, with the adrenaline flooding his system, Butler kept going. It could be argued that the bus actually came off worse, when the young driver panicked and crashed into a lamppost, blocking both lanes and causing a three hour traffic jam.

Butler didn't know about that. He didn't look back. Kept his eyes forward and his breathing rapid, pushing his body to its, slightly blood depleted, limit.

He was running flat out for at least a mile, but, eventually, the car pulled further and further ahead until he could no longer see the blink of its tail-lights in the rest of the city glare.

He stopped and leant on a lamppost panting. Waiting for his breathing and pounding heart to pay back the oxygen debt. Cursing himself. What a waste of space. He didn't deserve the tattoo on his shoulder, or even the title of big brother_. _

_Shut up, _His rational side snarled_. Enough with the self pity. Find them._

Butler looked around. A taxi rank a few hundred meters away gave him an idea.

Later, when interviewed by the police, the owner of the cab would describe the event in his statement as: "A giant bald guy came up to the car and asked me to get out. Then he dragged me through the window and threw me out when I said no." which was, more or less, what happened.

A police car would have been a better grand-theft-auto option to get people to _move out of the damn way_ however, fortunately, most motorists will respond accordingly when you drive straight at them on the wrong side of the road beeping your horn.

Driving one handed at pushing three-figure speed Butler still didn't catch the car, but he had some idea where it was headed.

In his little chat earlier, The Major had informed his nephew that the deal had been with some Somalian Pirates over the buying of a fleet of stolen yachts. Artemis Senior had decided that the price and risk of prosecution was too great and _politely_ declined. It would now appear that, after the damage of one of their buddies and the no-sale of a near armada of hard-to-hide stolen boats, the pirates were finding another way to convince Fowl to pay up. And they weren't going to play fair.

Butler cut the lights before he pulled up to the gates to the port, swinging the battered cab over the gravel as quietly as he could.

He trod quietly up to the high metal gates. They were chained, but the padlock was still swinging in the warm, calm air.

He prowled the perimeter, looking for a way in. It took less than twenty seconds to find one.

Using a skip full of rubbish as a platform, Butler grabbed hold of the top of the chain-link fence and, trying to avoid the coils of barbed wire, flipped himself over it, landing on his feet more lightly than should have been possible and hissing slightly at the gip he got from his arm for that particular manoeuvre. He paused a second to tighten the unfinished bandaging. Blood was already seeping through the stark white material in two dark circles, but he wouldn't even _consider_ spending any more time dealing with himself, when Artemis and Juliet could be in danger. Or worse.

_Don't think that,_ he told himself. _Concentrate._

Sounds of a struggle cut through the quiet darkness. Pulling out his gun he edged along the side of a building towards the voices.

"Now if either of you scream, you get a slap? Got it?" one man was saying. The men holding the pair released their mouths. Juliet dutifully let out a yell that sent a couple of seagulls into the sky. There was a skin-on-skin contact sound and the screaming stopped.

Hidden in the darkness, Butler felt the rage burning through his veins. They'd hurt his baby sister.

Juliet bit her lip and refused to cry. Her cheek stung like hell, but she was a Butler.

"I said _don't_ scream." The man hissed, grabbing a handful of her hair.

"Juliet, I think it would be for the best if we just..." Artemis began quietly.

"Silence. I did _not_ say you could speak." The man turned to Artemis and in that instance Juliet swung back her leg, booting her holder in the shin and turned it into a lovely pole-axe kick to the gentleman's area for the man who slapped her.

"You little bitch." The man gasped in a voice half an octave higher than it had been a second ago. Unfortunately, Juliet couldn't verbally make fun of this, as the man holding her had just shifted his hand to her neck, almost choking her. The pirate in front breathed deeply for a few seconds to regain his composure, then brought back his hand.

Juliet flinched, but before he could hit her again there was a noise like an explosion. Probably because it _was_ an explosion. The man dropped to the floor crying out in agony and holding his bleeding hand. There was a ragged-edged hole all the way through.

"Let go of the kids." Butler growled, striding from the shadows and aiming his gun at the man on the floor. "Or I shoot him. Again."

The two holding Artemis and Juliet looked worried. But not as worried as they should have been at an armed enemy seemingly appearing out of thin air. And that was when a plank of wood hit Butler on the back of the head.

_Ouch_. _That wasn't part of the plan. _

It was then he realised he didn't actually _have_ a plan.

Unfortunately for whoever threw the lump of wood, the impact did not have the desired effect of knocking their opponent out. Skipping the 'rubbing-of-skull-and-groaning' part of this crazy script his life was becoming, Butler swung round, fired two shots in the general direction of the thrower and turned in a slow circle to look for any others. And there were others. About a dozen of them. Butler swore under his breath.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here, then?" The dark-suited Jace drawled, appearing at the top of a loading ramp like something out of an action movie. "A rescue party. How nice."

The outnumbered rescuer whipped round to face him, but stayed silent. And Jace found himself with a Butler's gun aimed squarely at his forehead for the second time that day. The difference this time was that _he_ had the advantage.

"No, wait. Scratch the party. You're alone? Tut tut. You should know better than to waltz into a pirate den demanding what you want and shooting my crew. I don't take kindly to that, you understand."

No response. Butler was using the monologuing to look for a way out. Not much was springing to mind so far.

"I'd appreciate you pointing that pistol elsewhere Mr. Hero, and by _appreciate,_ I mean _order_."

Still nothing. This was a hostage situation. He put down his gun and he had nothing to bargain with. Hopefully, he'd be able to get _his_ shot off before one of the twelve other guns aimed at his head and chest killed him and that thought in Jace's head was the only thing keeping him alive.

"Ah the strong silent type. Or are you just thick?" The pirate captain taunted.

Still Butler kept his mouth shut, eyes flickering toward the captives every few seconds.

"Very well." Jace sighed dramatically. "I'll make it easy for you. Drop the gun or we shoot the kids."

Butler thought that process through quickly. "What's in that for you? Shoot them and you won't get a ransom."

"Ah, he speaks. Who said we'd kill them? Besides, only one of them is Fowl's kid, I just haven't worked out which yet." Jace shrugged. "Shoot one. Your choice which, Fenter."

The man named Fenter raised a gun with his remaining good hand. It wasn't a hard choice on his behalf. Barrel trained on Juliet, he went to pull the trigger.

"Alright." Butler spat, raising the gun above his head.

"Stop." Jace called and Fenter turned his weapon back on the brother of his intended victim, snorting in disgust. "Drop it and kick it."

Butler did so. Slowly. Grudgingly.

"Good boy." Jace smiled chillingly and seemed to ponder something for a second, before... "Kill him."

A dozen marksmen took aim.

"No!" Juliet yelped.

_Sorry Juliet. Sorry Artemis._ Butler thought, facing down death and hoping the ghost stories were real, so he could come back and scare the crap out of these idiots.

"Wait." Jace snapped his fingers suddenly. "Let's keep him. Fowl might pay extra for a bodyguard and kid package."

The pirates audibly sighed as one. They'd been looking forward to some bloodshed.

"What's this, men? Did some of you fancy a bit of blood?" Their leader asked innocently. "Go ahead. I only said I wanted him alive."

Butler settled into a defensive stance. If they wanted a fight, they could come and get it. There was a pause whilst the offer was considered, then at least half a dozen of the men rushed forward.

To his credit, Butler managed to knock out around half of his attackers. Spinning and twisting in a mix of martial arts and street-fighting, he gave a good volley of blows and several things snapped. Legs were swept from under them and knees were driven into various soft areas of the body, solar plexus jabs, windpipe chops, elbow strikes to faces, full-blown roundhouse punches all followed in rapid succession.

The kidnappees cheered, only to be silenced by the men holding them. It would appear that the quote _'Nobody ever roots for Goliath.'_ wasn't exactly true this time. However, there were rather a lot of murderous blood-thirsty 'Davids' as his opponents.

In under two and a half minuets, Butler stood in a circle of floored and groaning pirates, fists raised. His expression alone said _'Who's next?'_. Needless to say the next six were more cautious. They approached slowly, circling like sharks before lunging upon him with whatever they had to hand.

Butler fought back again - obviously. But even _he_ couldn't last forever. In the end, it was his previous injury that proved his downfall. A block that should have happened faster didn't, allowing the heavy punch to land solidly on his temple. Butler shook his head to clear it, but it was too late.

Another then another punch broke through his chinked defence. He backed away, stumbling on the piece of wood originally meant to get him down. One pirate took advantage of this and, to Butler's severe annoyance, another kicked him in the back of the knee and he staggered, dragging down a few of his enemies as he hit the floor.

After that it was a case of too many bodies. The remainder of the crew all jumped in once he was down, reigning blow after blow until Butler could barely see. His vest protected his ribs but the rest of his body received some serious punishment. At some point there was a knife that was jabbed under his armpit in one of the only parts of his torso left unprotected by the Kevlar vest, but it did little more than pierce the skin before he broke the wrist holding it and threw it away.

"Speed things up a bit, lads." Jace jeered, throwing a something into the mêlée.

Someone must have caught it because the next thing Butler knew was that there was a guy kneeling on his shoulders, pinning him as best he could and holding a bat.

He rolled, thrashing about violently and trying to prevent the inevitable. The attacker swung it back and Butler saw stars. A second time and he stopped struggling. There wasn't much need for the third but the pirate gave it to him anyway.

_OK maybe I deserved that,_ Butler thought before the blackness took him. _I did just take out most of his mates._

* * *

**My reviews have nearly doubled - whoop : )**

**I just realised I made a boob. The (2.) part of my rant at the end of the last chapter applies to _this_ one. The "Goliath" quote is from a man named Wilt Chamberlain.**

**Thanks to everyone and I'm sorry I've gone and left you on another cliffie.**

**There's a few more chapters more to come yet.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to...**

**Slim Shady - for the review :) And also (*shameless-advertising-alert*) if you like pre-book fics, that's pretty much what I write so I'm glad you found me :)**

**Readergirl99 - You make me smile - lots :)**

**Anyway.**

**Don't get too excited. Sadly, I've reverted to the good old shorty-chap.**

**Bit of bad language. I'm sure you'll survive it.**

* * *

When he woke up the world was still lurching, but for an entirely different reason.

Butler rolled onto his side and tried to sit up. Which was rather difficult, with his hands tied behind his back and his feet strapped together. He went back to basic training and took in his surroundings. Wherever he was, it was either very dark, or he'd gone blind.

For a second he almost panicked about that possibility, after all the wooden bat _had_ hit him pretty hard on the head. But Butlers didn't panic. He squinted. There was a faint outline above him, he focussed on it closely. It looked like it could be the way in. And hopefully out.

_It could be a trapdoor_, he reasoned, trying to get a better look with his darkened eyesight, still slightly perturbed by the quality of his vision.

Then a square of light burst into being, searing his perfectly functioning retinas. He closed his eyes quickly, focusing on his hearing, and lunged upwards at the sound of Juliet's yelp.

"Shit! The big ones up already." One pirate swore.

"Just chuck the kids in quick, then."

"They aint got no bindings - they could untie him."

"Yeah right. They're kids, mate." The second man pushed Artemis and Juliet through the trapdoor where they both landed on Butler.

"Hello, you two."

* * *

"I can't believe this is happening."

The Major silently agreed with Angeline Fowl's statement. He had been trying his nephew's number for the last hour and a half now, with no response. Little did he know, it was because said mobile was now in the possession of one of the only crew-members left standing after Butler's fighting tactics, who was trying to unlock the device and failing miserably.

After the attack the police had given chase but soon lost the trail. They had taken every detail and were currently searching the area for any leads. The Major was itching to go search for himself, but that would mean leaving the remaining Fowls behind. Alone.

_I hope you've found them_, he thought to his nephew.

* * *

Butler had indeed found Artemis and Juliet. Or rather, they had found him. It really was unbelievably dark in the bowels of the boat.

"Are you ok?" Juliet asked, feeling his face for blood and bruises.

"I'll live Jules, stop fussing." Butler tried not to flinch as she poked at the damage the baseball bat had made to his head. "Are you two ok? Did they hurt you?"

"Neither of us have serious injuries, although Juliet has some bruising to her face." Artemis reported. "And your wounds?"

"Nothing I haven't had before, sir."

"Considering the situation, Butler, I think it would be fair to say we can drop the formalities."

"Yes Artemis."

"Good. Now, we need a plan." Artemis deduced, settling into the lotus position as best he could on the bowed floorboards and putting his mind to work. His bodyguard might be there for the physical violence, but at least he could help with the mental assault.

"Let's get you untied." Juliet set to work on the ropes. A normal twelve-year-old might not be able to undo the professionally done knots but Juliet was trained to escape from almost any bindings holding herself or others captive. It would have been a lot quicker with one of Butler's knives, but they had been confiscated, along with his boots, gun and bullet-proof vest leaving his already ripped shirt completely buttonless.

In less than half-an-hour Butler was rolling his wrists and rubbing the circulation back into his ankles. And they were still stuck in the bottom of a Somalian pirate's stolen yacht floating out to somewhere in the Gulf of Aden.

"Do we have a plan yet, genius-plotter-boy?" Juliet asked as she helped tie a strip of shirt over the shallow stab wound under her brother's arm.

"I have run through our options and, honestly, there are no feasible means of escape. We can presume the trapdoor is locked, therefore, unless we can break through the hull someway and escape before we are swept into the belly of the ship by the influx of water and go down with it..." Artemis didn't bother finishing his sentence. He didn't need to.

"Oh." Juliet put into words what they were all thinking. "Then we just... wait?"

"Then we just wait." Artemis repeated.

* * *

"I can't stand this _waiting_." Angeline wailed.

"There, there. I'm sure it won't be much longer, darling." Artemis took his wife's hands in his own.

"What if they don't find them, Timmy?" she sobbed.

"They will, dear. In fact, I'm sure Butler has found them already." He patted her hand uneasily.

"Then why isn't he answering his phone."

Mr. Fowl glanced at his bodyguard who could offer nothing. "I don't know. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry..." he trailed off, guilt gnawing at him.

_Of course the bodyguards should have stopped the kidnapping from ever taking place,_ he tried to convince himself. _But technically it was my fault it was even a possibility._

Now his son was missing. As was and innocent girl. And heavens knew what had happened to Butler. He looked over to The Major who either blanked him or didn't notice. Artemis strongly favoured the first option - his bodyguard noticed everything.

_Well, perhaps he deserves to show a little insolence,_ Mr. Fowl rationalised. _When his principal has managed to put both our families in grave danger._

The Major averted his eyes from his charge, not wanting to start any sort of conversation. Especially not one involving who was to blame.

_It's my fault, _he thought. _It's my job to look after this family... and my own._

He felt slightly guilty that the Fowls jumped to mind before his niece and nephew but that was who he was. He gripped his mobile-phone in a giant fist, not that he expected it to spring into life with news of the children's rescue, but he could hardly set about cleaning his gun like he normally would at times of stress, being as they were in a police station.

In an hour or so, the secretary came round offering coffee. None of them accepted it. They had had quite enough of _coffee_ for one night.

The Major kept his eyes on the door, flinching whenever a car passed by outside. Sadly, it did not burst open to reveal the missing people they were waiting for, or even any information on their whereabouts, or otherwise.

After a while, Angeline fell into a fitful sleep on her husband's shoulder. Artemis Senior closed his eyes to the fluorescent glare of the room's lighting and sank into a doze.

The Major sat back in his chair slightly. Watching, always watching. Refusing to fall asleep.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

It was a long night on the boat too.

A few times in the past couple of hours, they all felt horribly seasick in the rolling ocean. Even Butler, who had once weathered a near-hurricane force storm in a stolen dingy off the coast of Scotland.

Being as they were in the holding area, they were also in danger of being crushed by loose cargo, which slid around in the pitch black, hitting into them like invisible force-fields. At one point Butler had an idea and wrenched a plank from one of the crates, using it to jam the trapdoor so that the pirates would be at the least be hindered when they tried to open it.

And then, huddled together in the darkness, they waited.

Butler had faith in his uncle's tracking abilities, but doubted he would be letting the remaining Fowls out of his sight long enough to use them. That left them to rely on the police's talents and the pirate's carelessness to be found. Butler hoped he'd at least managed to leave some blood behind at the port as a clue, but doubted Jace would be daft enough to not notice something like that.

Juliet leant on one side of him, trying not to fall asleep and failing miserably. Artemis was already slumbering, frowning slightly, no doubt plotting away even in his dreams.

Butler leant back against the crate behind them, staring at the increasingly faint outline of the trapdoor with increasingly _better_ night-eyes. Scraping chairs and laughter filtered down slowly from the drunken pirates above. He heard shouts of what they were going to do with the money when Fowl paid up. And what they were going to do with their hostages if he wouldn't.

Pinned between two snoozing children, he quietly swore to protect them both with every last breath in his body. Not that he wouldn't have done already.

Then he waited for dawn. Refusing to sleep.

* * *

**Sorry - sometimes the story just breaks in shorter parts.**

**This chapter was a bit of a filler really I suppose.**

**Anyway, the next one is bigger and more exciting to make up for this.**

**So bear with me if you want. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey there : ) **

**Daily update coming up.**

**WARNINGS:- Bit of swearing. Nowt too bad though. I didn't lie to you about the gory-ness of the fighting did I? Well I'm not lying about this either. But there is a bit more non-gory violence too.**

**Thanks to...**

**Yuul **

**and**

**CherryBerryB (and the review)**

**for Favouriting. It means a lot, so thanks. **

**And to... **

**Readergirl99 - as usual :) **

**Steinbock - Hmm... I might write a fic about that - if Butler ever had any spare time that is :)**

**And**

**CherryBerryB - Sorry it took all day :)**

* * *

Seagulls warned Butler of the oncoming dawn before the pirates started trying to get in.

_Trying_ being the operative word.

Both children jumped awake at the thumping. Then the shouting started.

"The bastard's blocked the door!"

"That's it! It's not worth it. Kill the big one and get the kids on deck."

Juliet actually whimpered and clung to her brother's neck, breathing in his coppery-beat-up-hard-work brother-smell and pulling his sandpapery head closer. In a tiny shaft of light she could just make out his battered face.

"Hey. Hey. It's ok." he hugged her. Even the normally icy Artemis touched his bodyguard's arm gently and gave Juliet's hand a squeeze, in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

"I don't want you to get hurt." Juliet mumbled into what was left of his bloodstained shirt.

"So long as you're both alright, nothing else matters." He whispered, breath ruffling her hair.

"It matters to us, Butler." Artemis said sadly.

"The Major will come and get you. I promise. They'll get you out of here soon." Butler put on a brave face. He had a feeling there wouldn't be a second time escaping death by pirate.

He looked up. The crew were still battering at the trapdoor. There was a wrenching sound and one plank was ripped from the rest. A man pressed his face to the narrow slat, leering into the darkness.

Butler looked down. In the light cast by the cabin lights flooding in from above, two frightened faces stared back of him.

"We're gonna kill you, you son of a bitch." The man hollered through the hole he had made in the trapdoor.

"Come up here and face it you coward." Another yelled out.

"You're going to wish you'd never been born."

Juliet clung closer and it was a testament to Butler's pain threshold that he didn't flinch when she accidently squeezed his bullet filled bicep.

"Come on, Jules..."

"I know, I know..." She sniffed.

"Man up." They said in unison. Artemis looked on, feeling strangely like an outsider in their little trio. It appeared to be a family joke of some sorts. He was slightly saddened that the only 'Family thing' he could think of that he shared with is parents was the motto 'Aurum potestas est'.

The soft laughter from the siblings was quickly drowned out by shouts of :

"Get a crowbar or summit."

"Yeah, then we can use it to brain the bugger too."

"I won't let them." Juliet said fiercely. Butler smiled at the ferocious determination of his little sister. But up against a team of sea-gangsters armed with crowbars, neither of them would have much of a chance.

"You're finished."

"When we're done there won't be enough of you left to feed the fish."

The threats bounced off. Butler was sure he'd heard that last one in a cheesy action film.

Artemis rested his hand on the less bloody shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Butler."

"No. This is nothing to do with you." Butler said firmly. "Don't blame yourself for things out of your control."

He knew his bodyguard was only doing his job, but Juliet was in danger too. And now he faced losing the best friend he had. All because someone wanted to kidnap him, Artemis, because of something his father had done.

"I... I won't forget you."

The words were barely audible, but the statement went straight to Butler's heart, faster than a bullet from a gun.

_You're just going to sit here and get shot like some helpless animal? _Something roared inside his head. _These kids need you._

"Right." Butler growled, dislodging his sister and principle as he got to his knees. _Animals aren't always helpless - even captive ones._ Experience had taught him that.

"What you going to do?" Juliet scrambled back upright.

"Just you grab onto something that floats." He advised, lurching to his feet. "I'm getting us out of here."

"But Butler, the hull of this ship is designed to withstand substantial beatings from waves and objects alike. It would be practically impossible, especially without any equipment." Artemis protested, looking for something floatable anyway. "You can not possibly hope to break through using only brute force."

"Watch me." Butler's eyes glinted dangerously.

Juliet did what she was told without complaint, scrambling for something to hold onto. Butler had that look on his face. The one that made her remember that, at some point or other in not-so-long his life, he hadn't been her brother. Hadn't been like she knew him at all.

Butler closed his eyes and took a breath, bouncing slightly on the spot, focusing his energy.

_Gearing himself up,_ Artemis deduced. _Blocking out the curses from above, building up the strength in his muscles for the feat he is about to attempt._

Artemis decided that if he got them out of this, he would never underestimate his bodyguard again.

Juliet didn't bother mentally justifying what her brother was doing. And she knew him well enough not to doubt what he was capable of.

So she braced herself and got a firm grip of Artemis's damaged dinner jacket.

* * *

Jace answered the phone at the third ring, smirking when he saw the caller ID.

"Ah, Fowl, so nice to hear from you."

"Guess again, Jace." The Major growled.

"Oh I get it. Put the brute on the phone. Funny, I didn't think talking would be your thing."

"This isn't a friendly _chat_. Where are the children?"

"I'm shocked." The pirate captain said in mock horror. "You suspect I have them? You should be more careful where you leave them. Easy to loose, kids are."

"I am not a man to messed with, Jace. Release them immediately, or there will be consequences."

"Oh? Like last night's little disturbance? I'm afraid your little sidekick didn't last long against my men. He was one of yours, wasn't he?"

The Major didn't answer, hand tightening on the handset.

"Shame really. He could have been useful one day."

No emotion slipped into The Major's voice. "He never would've sided with you."

"True. He didn't seem like the traitorous kind. More the _stupid_ kind." Jace taunted. He had noticed the family resemblance immediately and although the younger Butler might not be dead yet, judging by the noise going on downstairs, he soon would be.

"Hand over the children unharmed, Jace." The Major reverted back to the reason for the call, brushing over the apparent death of his nephew. He could deal with that later, once Artemis Junior and his niece were safe.

"Now why would I want to do that?"

"Then what _do_ you want?"

"That depends on what you're offering."

"That's your choice, isn't it?"

"Yes I suppose it is." Jace paused a moment, calculating. "I'll be generous. Call it three million."

"Three million." The Major repeated for the Fowls, who were hanging on his every word his end of the conversation.

"Each." Jace finished, severing the connection. This could be more fun than he thought. He got up from the futon he was lounging on, checking his appearance in the mirror. It was slightly askew. The mirror, that was. Not his perfectly smoothed tresses. He frowned, straightening it. Behind him an expensive vase slid from the dresser, shattering on the floor.

_It wasn't the mirror that was slanted_, he realised as he crashed into one of the walls.

It was the floor.

* * *

Butler considered his options before he began. This was going to be painful whichever way he did it. Picking a spot along the boat's wall he started with a kick. Then another. And another. He was suddenly very glad that Madam Ko had always insisted on training barefoot so his feet were well used to being put into action with no protection.

Soon the boat was rocking under the repetitive force. Before he lost balance and fell, he gave the curved wall a few shoulder barges but, as he only had one fully useable arm, he shortly had to switch to the fist approach, powering blow after blow into a concentrated area with both hands.

At the twenty-something punch a small jet of water started to hiss through the wood. Butler redoubled his efforts. Unfortunately, so did the pirates. The wood began to splinter and groan under the pressure.

"Grab hold of me and don't let go." Butler said through gritted teeth, still punching away with increasingly bloody knuckles. Both children obeyed instantly, latching onto his belt and shirt like limpets.

It wasn't exactly a shock when the splintered wood finally gave way, but it was still terrifying to feel yourself being dragged backwards towards a certain drowning with only one man and the strength of your grip keeping you alive.

Coincidently the breaking through of the hull coincided with the exact moment the trapdoor gave in too and several pirates almost fell through until they noticed the water.

Butler ripped more broken planks from the hull, wasting a few seconds of precious 'getting-away' time until he could pull them all out into the open ocean. His shoulder screamed bloody murder but there wasn't time to worry about that now.

Pushing his sister and charge towards the surface with the rest of his energy Butler gave a few kicks to clear himself from the soon to be wreck.

Juliet broke the surface first, spluttering as she helped Artemis onto a piece of debris.

"Where's Butler?" Artemis gasped, salty water obstructing his airways.

"Coming I hope." Juliet bit her lip. There was a noise like a whale breaching the waves and her brother appeared beside them.

"Swim." He choked, trying to breathe and speak at the same time. "Let's get out of here."

Juliet almost laughed at the Scooby-Doo-like quote but suddenly realised the cause of it. The pirates were abandoning ship and they did not look happy with their ex-prisoners. One ex-prisoner in particular.

"There 'e is. Get 'im." One man shouted, thrashing towards them.

"Go." Butler jettisoned the children forward. "Keep swimming."

"But..."

"No arguments. Look after each other." Butler pushed the pair further away, treading water between them and the approaching pirates. Rapidly approaching pirates at that. Butler kept his distance for as long as possible, paddling backwards towards the shore. But eventually the first man reached him, hesitating for a moment, unsure whether or not to start the attack without his buddies. Butler took the choice for him, using his body as a push off to escape and winding the guy so badly he could hardly swim.

Further away some of them pulled guns and, before Butler could dive to safety, pumped the triggers. Instead of deafening bangs and severe pain there was a series 'phooting' noise. Apparently their guns weren't waterproof. One man swam forwards, holding his weapon like a club. Butler recognised the handgun instantly.

"That would be mine." He said, prising it out of the pirate's grip.

In hindsight, he was very lucky the gun hadn't gone off. Normally it worked under even the worst of circumstances. Thanking his lucky stars and possibly his Sig Sauer's loyalty, he set about performing the manoeuvre the guy had been planning to do to him, by clobbering him over the head with it.

"Thanks." he finished, pushing the prone pirate back into one of his buddies.

Butler almost laughed at the looks of outrage on the other men's faces, but then they all piled on him like a deranged metaphor for Juliet's favourite dunking game and he suddenly didn't feel quite so jovial.

He thrashed like a shark in a net, managing to grab a few breaths before they all joined in. A blade flashed silver through the water. Great. He may have missed out on being shot with his own gun but he was about to get stabbed with what was probably one of his own daggers. Crimson clouded in the water although Butler wasn't entirely certain it was him who was bleeding. In the writhing tangle of arms and legs it could have been anyone.

At some point he managed to bring his shirt over his head and half strangle one of his attackers with the remaining sleeve before the unfortunate man's shipmates helped him out, forcing Butler back under.

The water looked as though it was boiling, not that Butler could see that. He thought he could hear an engine but that could have just been the blood roaring in his ears.

There were so many of them.

Which was probably how he managed to survive long enough for the police boat to pull alongside and pepper spray them all on a crowd dispersing scale.

Whilst everyone was busy splashing sea-water into their eyes and screaming Butler managed to reach the surface to be rewarded with a blast right in the face. He ignored the irritation, a little more pain didn't make much more difference right now, and span in a circle desperately searching for the two small shapes in the water. Finally he spotted them being lifted onto the second police boat, pointing and obviously trying to get him out of this mess. It wasn't exactly working.

Butler grudgingly allowed himself to be cuffed and dragged into the boat like some fisherman's prized catch, wondering how they would have got him aboard if he had struggled. A pirate gave the answer to this question when he fought back and got a generous helping of pepper spray and a whack from a baton for his antics. Butler was searched and even more unwillingly than he had been at being caught, handed over the gun he'd somehow managed to keep hold off in amongst all the fighting and drowning he'd been doing.

They sat him in-between two of his recent enemies on the 'Apprehending and Detaining for the Safety of the Seas' boat's bench. They did not look happy. Neither was he. Now he'd officially been mistaken for one of the crew he'd likely be put in a group cell with them.

The man to his left tried to elbow him, Butler curled a lip at him and growled.

_Animalistic_, he thought. _And probably a bit over-the-top._

But it had the desired effect - no more elbow jabs from that direction and only worried looks coming from the other.

The man opposite was missing a tooth and seemed to be holding him personally responsible, despite the fact it was probably one of his buddies. A scowl, stare and stretch of the legs to prove that, yes, he could quite comfortably reach to kick the man somewhere painful, thank-you very much, soon shut him up.

The boat lurched towards shore, hampered by its heavy cargo. Through the door Butler could see the result of his handiwork disappearing under the waves and he smiled. Then one policeman slammed it and, crammed together with twelve people who would all be happy to murder him on the spot and a bawling Jace ordering them to do it, Butler stopped smiling and started wondering how he was going to escape certain doom this time.

After all, he had to be optimistic.

* * *

**This chappie and the next one were going to be one monster chapter but I changed my mind.**

**Thought I'd drag it out a bit :P**

**Still, this one was longer than usual anyway, eh? **

**Took longer too - sorry I was busy.**


	8. Chapter 8

**OK,**_** The Last Chapter**_** people. **

**Not a biggy either, sadly.**

**But it's not over yet.**

**Thanks to...**

**nekodreamstealer for favouriting.**

**CherryBerryB for reviewing**

**and slightlyso for doing both :)**

**And, of course, to **_**everyone**_** who read - even if you didn't review - for sticking with me this far.**

* * *

Artemis was silently seething. Just because he was eight-years-old didn't automatically make him an imbecile. He had already explained to the officer who gave them blankets that they were _not _suffering from Stockholme Syndrome and had _not _befriended a particular pirate. The 'pirate' in question was his bodyguard and his friend's brother and they would very much like him back now please, if that wouldn't be too much trouble.

Eventually, after much deliberation, the officer had decided that once they had been reunited with their families they could _possibly_ visit the cells and pick out their, to quote him exactly, _'pet pirate'_, as though Butler was a dog in a pound.

Juliet sulked, but was at least comforted by the fact that when she had last seen her brother, he had been being dragged aboard the prison boat looking relatively alive and well considering the circumstances.

The journey was a little rough, but far more agreeable than their night in the cargo-hold. They had barely stepped onto the wooden jetty when they were engulfed by a sobbing Angeline.

"I thought I'd lost you!" she bawled, squeezing the breath out of the pair of them.

"I'm fine, Mother." Artemis said, returning the hug awkwardly. "We both are."

Mr. Fowl joined them, self-consciously folding his arms around his family - plus one. Juliet endured the hug for a few seconds before breaking free. Rules forgotten she ran to her uncle and wrapped her skinny arms around his broad waist. He patted her on the head, uncertain how to comfort her. Deciding it would be better to have this chat face-to-face, he checked for any hostiles and, finding no obvious threats, other than the approaching police boat no doubt full of murdering criminals, he crouched to her level, holding her wrists. He was still around head height.

"We need to find Dom." She whispered, daring to use his name while the Fowls were busy reuniting.

Her uncle looked away. Of course she'd want to find the body - or what was left of it. He'd heard of executions like this before and wouldn't be surprised if they'd cut it up and fed the evidence to the sharks. Probably before he was even properly dead.

"I'm sorry about your brother." The Major bowed his head. "I know it doesn't mean anything, but... I'm proud of him."

"Good. Then you can tell him when you see him." Juliet grinned, pointing over to where the other boat was now unloading its passengers.

Her uncle followed her finger, easily spotting the giant figure that was his nephew. Giving the law enforcement a little hassle, it would seem. The Major couldn't bring himself to blame him. Secretly, he felt a rush of what could only be described as relief. Although he appeared to be a detached sort of man, these two were the closest family he had and he wasn't sure he could face loosing either one of them, let alone both, as he had been dreading the news of just a few hours earlier.

"Well then." he said gruffly, clearing his throat of the strange lump that seemed to be stuck there. "Let's go get him."

And, straightening up to his full height and taking Juliet by the hand to where the Fowls were talking to the chief police officer, he prepared to _negotiate_ his family member's release.

* * *

The second he stepped foot off the boat, Butler immediately started trying to catch the attention of his employers and family and was immediately reprimanded for it.

"I'm with _them_." he jerked his head in the general direction of the parallel jetty. It might as well have been a parallel universe for all he could do to reach it.

"Yeah right, mate. Pull the other one." One of the three officers detaining him laughed.

Three, because the officer in charge had taken one look at Butler and order him to be guarded by_ two_ men. Then he had taken a second look at the bloodied, shirtless monster and had seen the blue diamond tattoo on his shoulder. Apparently, either that, or the wide berth the other pirate's were trying to give the giant, meant something to the boss, because he quickly called over a third and quietly warned a fourth to be on the look out for trouble of 'that big one'.

"Well I'm not with this lot." Butler muttered.

"No honour among thieves, is there?"

Deciding not to waste his breath, Butler said nothing when he was piled into the same cell as the rest of the crew. The prison system in East Africa wasn't quite as sophisticated as the system back in Ireland and they were all simply squashed into the same concrete walled chamber with hardly enough bench room to sit down and hardly enough floor space to stand up.

Not that sitting down or standing around was on the agenda. As soon as the door clanged shut behind them, the pirates turned on him.

"Show him what happens when you mess with us, lads." Jace ordered, looking a little less sinister with his hair sticking up like a bog-brush and suit dripping water into a puddle around his ruined shoes.

"What's this gotta be? Round three? Haven't you guys learnt yet?" Butler asked, with more gusto than he felt.

"What are you waiting for?" Jace screeched. "Get him already!"

The crew looked at each other. Butler lowered his centre of gravity and prepared to fight as best he could with handcuffs on.

Deciding that this time they really _did_ have a good advantage the pirates rushed towards him. Butler took the first three out with a roundhouse kick, trapping another's neck in the short chain connecting his wrists together, using it to thwack the man's head against one of the walls. Another few were taken out by elbows and one who tried to strangle Butler got headbutted. By now the police had realised that they had either made a mistake, or this was a full-scale crew-fallout.

"Oi! Stop it!" One officer yelled, frantically pulling the pin on a fire-extinguisher and blasting it through the bars. It wasn't a bad idea. It would have worked with fighting tigers. However these were humans and so they just carried on.

Before the police could rally enough men to justify getting into the cell, Butler had decimated the twelve pirates that made up the crew. They lay, either groaning or still, on the floor. Their leader stood quivering in the corner. From rage or fear it was hard to tell.

"You." He hissed. "Are extremely irritating."

"Likewise." Butler countered, and then considered what he'd said, head cocked to one side. "Although, to be honest, you're more pathetic."

Jace finally lost his temper and leapt forward. Which was exactly what Butler wanted him to do.

In one swift movement he brought a knee up to stop the run and swung his arms as though holding an imaginary sword, walloping the man who had caused them all so much grief in the side of the head. Jace flew sideways, face-planting on the jail bars and bouncing off.

Butler turned, interested to see if he'd made an indent in the metal. He hadn't. But, standing on the other side of the grossly olive-painted iron poles were several stunned policemen, the shocked faces of the Fowls and the proud smiles of his family.

And so he stood, shirtless, handcuffed, soaking wet and covered in flame-retardant foam in a pile of debilitated pirates in a jail cell on the coast of the Gulf of Aden and smiled back.

"Hello." He said calmly.

* * *

**I'm hoping some of you are still trying to scroll down going "WHAT? THAT'S THE END?"**

**Hoping that is.**

**Anyway - no. It isn't.**

**I won't leave you like that because it really annoys me when people don't finish a story off properly.**

**There will be an epilogue.**


	9. Epilogue

**Thanks to... **

**fowlfan, Readergirl99, Steinbock, Victoriarty197, Yuul and CherryBerryB, nekodreamstealer and slightlyso for faving etc.**

**And to...**

**CieloCrimisi, shauny, fowlfan, Kida Ookami, Slim Shady, CherryBerryB, slightlyso, rupzydaisy and Ghostwizard**

**for the reviews.**

**Specially to you, if your name is on both lists or if you reviewed more than once :)**

**It's not an enormously long chapter but hopefully it ties everything up nice and good for you all.**

**Here we go then. **

**The real end.**

**

* * *

**

It didn't take too long to clear Butler of all charges. Mr. Fowl simply threatened to sue the constabulary for life-endangerment and false accusation and The Major simply threatened them.

The agreement reached in the end, was that Butler was never there. A fight had broken out amongst the group of pirates and the children had been rescued during the confusion.

And the boat had sunk because?

Well... they left the police to think of an excuse for that one.

After a few arguments Butler had reluctantly allowed himself to be dropped of at the hospital and used the good old excuse of 'I was in a really nasty bar-fight, please believe me - _or else_' in order to get treated for the various lacerations he had, and to remove the bullets still lodged in his bicep.

It was early evening as he walked back to the hotel, since The Major was busy guarding the Fowls and he wasn't supposed to be driving with his busted arm.

The empty pavement cast wobbly heat-hazes in the late afternoon sun and despite having spent the last 4 hours in a crowded A&E room surrounded by puking infants, screaming children and several passed-out drunks, Butler felt good.

It had been worth it really - his shoulder hardly hurt at all now. Although that could have been because of the copious amount of local anaesthetic the doctors had assumed he needed for them to dig the metal lumps out of his muscle. His whole arm was still numb because of it, but at least he wouldn't have to worry about showing up on a metal detector.

He felt oddly at ease, dressed as he was, in casual clothes. Or at least he would have done, had he been fully armed. His body was weirdly light without his Kevlar vest and various concealed weaponry, but he had been forced to look and act like a _normal _person in order to fit in at the hospital - to Juliet's delight as she had been allowed to chose the outfit he was wearing for him.

He was just considering throwing the pain medication he'd been given into the gutter, when a movement to his right caught his attention. In the shadow of an alleyway someone had moved. And it hadn't been your average 'I'm walking down the street' motion. His hand twitched automatically to the Sig Sauer that wasn't there.

_Probably nothing,_ he assured himself. But he already knew he was kidding himself. Changing his pace, he stepped closer to the road to give himself a little more time to react if someone did appear from the side-passage.

Which - of course - they did.

He caught the knife on his forearm, which although was much better than on his chest, as the attacker had intended, was a disappointment for a fighter of his standard. The second time, he caught the wrist properly, twisting it so that the fingers wrapped around the handle spasmed and the ruby spattered blade clattered to the pavement, glinting evilly in the setting sun.

The man's other fist punched him in the face, although it wasn't Butler who cried out in pain.

Butler used the distraction to wrench the assailant's arm up his back, managing to grab his right hand and clamp them both together. The hand was wrapped in a dirty, blood-soaked rag and it was then that Butler realised who this man actually was.

"Fenter, wasn't it?" he growled, lifting the pirate awkwardly and slamming his face against the building beside them.

"You ruined everything." The man spat, struggling wildly, albeit futilely.

"You hit my sister." Butler justified, pushing the man's arm to breaking point, putting pressure on his injured hand at the same time. The smaller man screamed.

"They left me behind because of you!"

"What? They don't need a 'Captain Hook' on the crew?"

The man tried to headbutt Butler who calmly held him at arms reach and waited for him to wear himself out.

"Alright stop it!" he panted after a while. "The little bitch deserved a slap, alright? Argh!"

Obviously this man was a complete _idiot _and Butler felt little satisfaction in breaking his wrist, but he had hurt Juliet and there was no way he was getting away lightly with that.

"Give me one reason..." He snarled. The knife was right there. He could reach it without even letting go of this 'Fenter' guy.

The pirate whimpered pathetically.

Butler dropped him in disgust. This coward wasn't worth the trouble.

Once on the floor, Fenter scooted away, holding his broken hand and moaning

"Just stay away from us." Butler growled sinisterly. "Or I'll make sure you do."

He'd barely walked five paces when he heard the clink of metal and the rustle of clothing. Others might have missed it. Butler had to admit the guy was fast on his feet, but he wasn't so in awe that he missed the kick to the pirate's stomach and punishing blow to the jaw when he span round in time to stop the assault. The man fell unconscious on the floor. Butler considered leaving him there. The pirate wasn't bleeding to death or anything.

_Talking of which..._ He checked his own arm. It would probably need stitches. _Dammit_.

Deciding that he could hand in the fugitive to the law at the same time as handing him over to the medics, Butler sighed at the stupidity of what he was doing and slung the guy over his shoulder, picking up the knife as evidence.

* * *

The A&E staff were quite surprised to see the scary guy they thought they'd got rid of, returning with a man over his shoulder and a knife in his hand.

After he had convinced them all to stop panicking and that _he_ hadn't done any stabbing, Butler dropped off the last member of the defeated pirate crew and slipped out a fire exit under the pretence of using the bathroom before the police arrived. Police who recognised his rather unique description and didn't even bother _trying_ to pursue him.

When he finally reached the hotel, without another attempted murder or other distraction occurring, The Major was waiting for him outside the room they were sharing with Juliet.

"What took you?" he grunted. Butler mentally winced. He probably should have texted about the delay.

"This." He heaved a sigh, raising his arm and peeling back the bloodily blotched pillowcase he had stolen from the laundry trolley during his getaway from the hospital, to reveal the four inch gash.

"What the..." The Major grabbed his wrist, and, although there was a good chance he would have been able to break the hold, Butler submitted to the prodding, slightly surprised his uncle seemed concerned at all. "Could do with a couple of stitches." Came the verdict.

"Thought so."

"Why didn't you go back and get it sorted then?"

Butler shifted slightly, guiltily, before muttering. "Didn't fancy hanging around for the police at the hospital."

"_Explain._" The Major said, raising an accusing eyebrow at him.

Half an hour later, story told and arm stitched Butler sat on the edge of his bed, waiting for his uncle's reaction.

"Can't bloody well send you anywhere without you causing some sort of trouble." He grumbled, packing away the first aid kit.

Butler smirked, taking it as the veiled compliment it was. It was expected. It was how his uncle worked - hiding his emotions in gruff criticism. The next thing to happen was less predictable.

"Here."

Butler looked up from his stitch inspecting. The Major was holding out a gun.

"Lifted it from the station." He explained, handing it over. Butler smiled, running a thumb affectionately over the familiarly scratched black metal.

"Thanks."

His uncle '_humph_ed'.

"Be more careful next time." He said, brusquely clapping his nephew on the shoulder before heading back to the Fowl couple's room.

Butler watched him go. In those few words and actions, The Major had shown how concerned he'd been and that family really did matter to him after all.

"Yes uncle."

The Major grunted in response. "And take your meds."

And that was the closest to affection he was going to get.

* * *

**The Proper Epilogue**

By the next day The Major was flying them all back to Ireland in the Lear Jet and Butler had already thrown away the sling he was supposed to be wearing and was sat moodily in the co-pilot chair, having been banned from flying due to the painkillers the hospital staff had given him when he'd already said he hadn't wanted any anyway. The same ones his uncle had practically threatened to ram down his throat if he refused to take.

"I need you as close to 100% as possible if you're going to be any help." He'd said.

"And I'd be more help drugged and dopy?" Butler had pointed out.

To which the no-nonsense reply had been along the lines of "Just shut-up and do as I say."

Now, Juliet was babbling away excitedly and trying to re-enact the fight in the cell with two of her wrestling figures ("It was like a proper WWE cage fight!" Or so she claimed).

Artemis was typing away furiously on his laptop, no doubt writing the experience down in his virtual diary for further reference and analysis the sequence of events, trying to work out if there could have been a better version of proceedings had he thought of something else quicker. Trying to find a way to a better outcome.

For Butler, there could be little better outcomes. They were all alive and relatively well and they weren't under any threat at this particular moment.

Yes, there was only one thing that could make the ending of this particular little adventure any better.

And that was if Mr and Mrs Fowl weren't currently sat, heads together, at the fold out table of the jet, fervently planning the _next_ family holiday.

* * *

**Well that was it. **

**Kinda got a bit longer than an epilogue but it would have meant posting that last "Proper Epilogue" bit as a whole chapter of itself, which is kinda pointless really.**

**I got pretty into writing this fic. **

**Like "Whoops-it's-2-o'clock-in-the-morning-when-did-that-happen?" kinda into writing it.**

**I chopped and changed it, read it to my editor (little sister) and changed some more and I'm happy with it.**

**So I hope you liked it - hopefully enough to tell me that you did. **

**Oh and if you didn't like it, feel free to tell me anyway - if you feel like it. **

**And hey, while you're all at it, you might as well tell me why.**

**Thanks to all of you for reading,**

**Wolfy**

**ooo  
O**


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